Dear Humans: Fighting

   I know this is going to be upsetting for some of you to hear, but after a certain age you are not supposed to physically fight people anymore.
   I'd say the cut-off age is 18.  Maybe, with some slack, 20.
   After that, you handle things either with your words, or with non-fighting actions, or by using the legal system.
   You don't fight them.
   (I'm going to repeat it one more time for all the Long Island lesbians:  After you become an adult, or the age where most other people become adults, YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO FIGHT ANYONE ANYMORE.  Just because you look like a 15 year old boy doesn't mean you should act like one.)

If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to comment.

Love, Juliet

Skillz

    Everyone has things they are good at and things they suck at.  Usually its a pretty random mix - but mine actually has a theme.  The theme is "Uselessness."  Basically, everything I am good at has no way of benefitting me in life.  If its impossible to make a living doing it, then I'll kick ass at it.  If you're competing against me in something where the skills required will never come in handy, ever, then you might as well forfeit now because you're going to lose. 

   Take, for example, Mini Golf.  I rarely play Mini Golf, but when I do play it I win.  By a lot.  Always.  If it were regular golf then yeah the chances of being good enough for the Pros are slim but at least its possible to play golf for a living. So how am I at regular golf?  Terrible.  Because being good at it can be beneficial. 

   I'm also really good at climbing, of which I believe (for adults definitely) I am in the top 1 or 2 percentile.  I can out-climb you in a climb-off any day.  I think its due to my body type (thin, long, unattractive.) But alas, we spend the vast majority of our waking hours on flat, even surfaces within close proximity of the ground.  So my monkey-like abilities are wasted.

   Oh I'm also really good at Archery, which I found out recently.  If I was living in 1500 BC I'd be thrilled. 

Poor Luigi

I feel bad for Luigi from Super Mario Bros.  Back in the day when I was growing up, Luigi only got to play if it was 2-player and you had a friend over at your house.  But it gets worse. The real issue here is that Luigi and his brother Mario are, together, known as "The Mario Brothers."

I have a sister named Lisa, and if people referred to the both of us as "The Lisa Sisters," or "The Super Lisa Sisters," I'd probably flip my shit.  Especially if I also lived in Super Lisa Land.  A therapist would have a field day with this Luigi guy.  

Wait- my friend just informed me that they are called The Mario Brothers because their last name is Mario. So Luigi's name is Luigi Mario?  So then Mario's full name is Mario Mario? Maybe I should be feeling bad for him instead.  I don't know but clearly the whole situation is fucked up.  I'd like to speak to the parents.

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